Too Soon (Episode tag for white of his eyes)
by nic73
Summary: Jane and Lisbon begin to work it out.


**Author's notes: Here is my tag for 'The white of his eyes as Jane and Lisbon negin to work it out. As usual I haven't read any others so any similarities are accidental.**

"Why don't we go out for dinner tonight? We can try that restaurant on 5th that Abbott recommended."

Jane can see, in his peripheral vision, Lisbon looking at him. He would describe her look as dumbfounded with more than a little of residue anger mixed in.

"Taking me out for dinner is not 'working this out' Jane."

He turns and looks at her.

"I know. I thought we could work it out better when emotions weren't running so high."

Her eyes flash.

"My emotions you mean."

He shakes his head.

"No mine too. It's still too close."

"To close to what Jane?"

"To close to seeing that bullet hole in your jacket sleeve and Agent Spackman lying on the floor bleeding."

He stomach still tightens at the memory as he helped Spackman. He couldn't stop the pictures in his head. That it could have so easily been her. His mind racing with what if's. What if she'd been the one that went around the back, what if he'd hadn't come up to the door and seen what was happening at the back of the house. What if he hadn't reacted quick enough.

Lisbon closes her eyes.

"That's not fair Jane."

Jane puts his hands in his pockets and looks at the floor and then back at her and shrugs.

"I know, but it's not about fair…it's about how I feel."

Jane can see the tension in Lisbon's face as she struggles with her emotions, he can see that she feels he's manipulating her, and maybe on one level he is, but he can't erase the effects of the past just because it's hard.

"And how I feel doesn't count?"

He takes a step towards her, subconsciously, to emphasizing the truthfulness of his words.

"Of course they do. Your feelings are very important to me. That's what we have to work out. How to satisfy both."

Lisbon searches his face and shakes her head.

"I just don't know how that's possible."

"It's possible because we both want it."

Lisbon shakes her head and flops down on to a seat, tucking herself under the table, creating a barrier between them. He wonders if that's her subconscious speaking.

"Because we want it. You really think it's that simple?"

Jane cocks his head.

"Well no, it's not simple but it's why we'll succeed."

Lisbon points to herself.

"I'm a cop Jane."

"I know."

"Because I'm a cop I have a responsibility to the public and to my colleagues. What you did back there put our colleagues at risk. I wasn't there to cover them, I was on some wild goose chase that you sent me on. You put their lives in danger to protect me. How can we work that out? I can't trust you Jane. That's what simple."

Jane can barely stand to look into her eyes, at the hurt, disappointment with in. He hates himself for causing it, but searching within himself he knows he'd be tempted to do it again, and he doesn't know if he'd be able to resist. He loves this woman, he loves being with her. He loves spending every moment of his spare time with her. They're a couple and he's happy. He hasn't felt happiness for so long, he didn't expect to ever feel it again. He didn't expect his heart to open up and feel again. He doesn't know that he could stand losing her, losing love again.

Lisbon's shoulders sag as she looks at the face of the man she loves. Some part of her always knew that this time would come. Her mind flashes back to that day, a lifetime ago, when he walked into her life, a shell of the man he is today. A broken man trying to hold himself together. Some may think that Red John became his lifeline but it wasn't. His pursuit of Red John always kept him on the edge of madness, it was the job, some place to come to every day, his associations, their relationship, that glued him back together.

A picture of his cup passes across her mind.

When he boarded that plane, he opened himself up to it all again, because all love ends in loss. He chose to risk it all again, letting her go was worse.

Suddenly he's sitting opposite her, she feels his knees pressing against hers in the small space his trailer affords. He reaches for her hands and she places them inside his. She feels a slight trembling as his finger enclose around hers.

"Patrick, I understand, I do. I've suffered loss too, and there's all the times you're life's been in danger. I sent you off to Red John, I could've let Abbott take you in, keep you safe, but no, I handed you my keys and my gun. Trust me you said and I did. And that's what you have to do. You have to trust that I will do all in my power to be safe."

Jane understands all she is saying. He knows that stuff comes with the job. He knows she's trained, that she doesn't take chances. He thinks of the words he said to Lily and Matthew, and Abbott's words also ring in his ears, but he's scared.

Jane squeezes her hands, his voice is soft:

"I know. It's just too soon."


End file.
